How to foster self-compassion

It is important to understand that self-compassion is not a form of self-pity or self-indulgence.

Instead, we can define self-compassion as:

"Treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding as we would treat a loved friend when things are difficult"

Self-compassion involves accepting yourself as the imperfect person that you are.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion has three main elements:

Self-Kindness
Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or criticize ourselves.

Common Humanity
Suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. It is something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone.

Mindfulness
Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Mindfulness requires that we not “over-identify” with thoughts and feelings, and we listen to what is happening in the present.

Studies have shown that high self-compassion is associated with:

• decreased psychopathology (reduced suicidality, rumination, shame)
• lower symptoms of depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and self-criticism
• increased wellbeing (life satisfaction, coping, emotional resilience)
• improved physical health (immune functioning, healthy behaviours)

In this post, I share some self-compassion exercises that can help you in your every day.
One very simple practice you can start right away when you find yourself struggle with self-criticism is trying ask yoursef: 

what would I say to a loved friend in the same situation?

It seems easy, but it is not. It is easier to be kind to others that to ourselves. 

Practice, practice, practice

Other 3 self-compassion exercises by Kristin Neff to help you in your daily practice are listed below. 

Exercise 1: How would you treat a friend?

• Think about a close friend that feels really bad about themselves, or that is struggling in some way.
• Write down how you typically respond to your friend- what would you say, which tone and behaviour.

 

• Now think about something that makes you feel bad about yourself, or about a situation you are struggling with.
• Write down how you typically respond to yourself.

Did you notice a difference?

Exercise 2: Self-compassion break
Think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is causing you stress. Visualize it, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body. Now, say to yourself:

• This is a moment of suffering: "this hurts", "this is stress", "this is difficult" 
• Suffering is part of life and it's temporary: "other people feel this way", "I am not alone". 
• May I be kind to myself: "how can I give myself kindness?", "may I be gentle to myself", "may I be present". 

Exercise 3: Self-compassion journal
Keeping a journal is an effective way of expressing emotions and reflecting on your life experiences. Try to write about an experience that is difficult for you. Consider the following areas in your writing:

• Mindfulness: describe without judgment the details of the situation and your feelings.
• Common humanity: write how other people would feel in the same situation. You may want to try to understand why it is "normal" to feel that way.
• Self-Kindness: give yourself some kind, gentle and understanding words of comfort.

Please let me know in comments which one works best for you and your experience practicing them.